


sam nearly has a breakdown

by mompasaurus



Category: Sam & Max
Genre: Dissociation, M/M, Panic Attacks, Set After Season 3, Suggestive Themes, Trauma, sam and max are bad at talking about feelings but boy do they try, slightly spicy but not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19031170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mompasaurus/pseuds/mompasaurus
Summary: Max is back, and that should be the end of it. But sometimes Sam lets his mind get too carried away. [305 spoilers]





	sam nearly has a breakdown

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello i finished the devil's playhouse the other day and i'm not okay. take this mess of a fic.
> 
> i tried not making it too out of character, since these two aren't known to be super emotional, but just let me have this okay
> 
> I WILL HAVE A BETTER TITLE LATER im shit at coming up with them

The bedroom was mostly dark, save for the illumination of the street lights below creeping through the window and the occasional passing car. Max’s paws were all over him, and Sam couldn’t help but let out a sigh of content. This was how it should be, he thought, reveling in the way his smaller partner massaged his sides and left quick pecks on his face and neck, his teeth chattering in that purr-like manner that Sam couldn’t get enough of.

 

If Sam was being brutally honest, he was used to Max being a lot more… energetic whenever they had private time, but he also savored the times like this where the little guy was more affectionate.  Especially considering what had happened just a few weeks prior…

 

_ No, _ Sam thought, mentally giving himself a smack on the head with a newspaper.  _ Don’t think about that right now.  _

 

Instead, he tried to focus on what was right in front of him, and all over him, currently. Sam, laying in bed, with Max sprawled across his torso, giving him all sorts of attention that made his heart race. The lagomorph in question was beginning to unbutton Sam’s shirt, now nipping carefully at his neck, and Sam reached up to pet the area behind Max’s ears. “Having fun there, Max?”

 

“Oh, you know it, baby,” Max purred happily, taking a moment to nuzzle himself into the crook of Sam’s neck.

 

Sam smiled warmly in response, even though Max couldn’t see it. He loved these moments so much, when he had not a care in the world, no cases to worry about, no reason to think about how Max had died not too long ago. It didn’t matter, did it? Max was right here in front of him, feeling up his furry chest. 

 

Even so, every now and then Sam found himself questioning the whole situation. The fact that, technically, they were not each other’s partners from their own respective timelines messed with Sam’s brain if he thought about it for too long. It was the same Max in nearly every aspect except the obvious, but was it really Max?

 

He thought back to everything that had happened in the past year or so - turning to zombies, going to Hell, finding Max’s brain, dealing with the Dogglegangers, and of course, the whole monster incident. Max had been there for all of those events, but… it wasn’t  _ this  _ Max. He figured this Max had also been through all of that, but it wasn’t with  _ this _ Sam. Sam didn’t really know just how different Max’s timeline had been from this one - he never asked, and Max didn’t seem to want to talk much about it. 

 

Ever since Max ‘returned’ from the past, things had not been the same between them, Sam knew. He knew Max knew as well. They did the same things they’d always done together - solving cases, fighting crime, going on adventures, eating terrible yet delicious food, watching their favorite movies… the list went on. Yet, there was always something in the air, a sort of looming tension between them. Not one of malice or violence, but a reminder of sorts that said, ‘things will never be the same.’ 

 

Perhaps Sam hated that the most. That since they were not each other’s original partners, there was always to be this weirdness between them. He didn’t want that. He just wanted Max, and he was here, but at the same time---

 

“Hellooo? Earth to Sam?” 

 

A white, fuzzy hand is waving in front of his face, and Sam snapped out of his thoughts. How long had he been zoned out? He was breathing heavily - from Max’s doing or his own, he wasn’t sure - and he felt very sweaty. No doubt his face said it all, as Max just leaned away from him with a small smile. 

 

“Well, usually I wouldn’t complain about your claws digging into my sides, but you seem… out of it tonight.”

 

Sam glanced down and at the same time became aware of the deathly grip he had on Max’s waist. He didn’t remember doing that. “Oh, uh, sorry pal.” He lifted his hands and let them hover near Max’s sides, not touching them. Strange, he looked at his own hands and they didn’t quite feel like his own. 

 

“Hey, I never said you couldn’t touch me.” Max gave his partner a suggestive look with a wink, but when Sam still didn’t change his demeanor, his ears lowered slightly and he lifted himself to sit fully on Sam’s chest. “Are you sure you’re alright, Sam? Did you eat too much takeout again?”

 

“I…” Sam’s head was spinning and nothing really felt real. This shouldn’t be real. But was he really going to just say that to Max? He could tell the truth, or he could suppress it like usual and get on with himself. He decided to compromise, and gently placed a hand on Max’s shoulder. “Er… I’m not really feeling it tonight, little pal. Maybe we should do this another time.”

 

Max gave one of his fake pouts that almost made Sam feel guilty, but he slid off of Sam anyway, plopping onto the mattress beside the dog. “Psh, whatever. You just can’t handle this body and you know it.”

 

_ Well, that’s one way of putting it _ , Sam supposed. “Whatever you say, Max.”

 

The two laid in silence for a long while. Sam’s eyes fixed on the ceiling, hoping that this feeling would stop, that the world would come back to him, that reality would come back to him, but at the same time reality felt closer to him than ever. He wondered if Max ever felt like this too. The little lagomorph had never been one to outwardly express his emotions. Not in a healthy or typical way, anyway. 

 

Sam tightly shut his eyes and brought his hands up to his face, the memory of the exploding ship with Max aboard far in the night sky still fresh in his mind as if it had happened twenty minutes ago. How could he still be feeling this way, when Max was currently right there beside him? He found himself asking that question a lot. 

 

Before Sam could spiral further down the rabbit hole of misery, he heard Max’s voice, right next to him but at the same time so far away. 

 

“You know, it’s kind of weird to me, too.”

 

Sam lowered his hands from his face as he turned to look at his partner, who was glancing down at nothing in particular on the sheets. He knew when Max was being serious because the rabbit wouldn’t look at him. “What do you mean?”

 

“This whole… situation, I dunno.” Max gestured vaguely with his hands and plopped back onto a pillow. “Kind of hard to get used to being around someone who you literally watched die. An important someone, I mean.”

 

This was the first time Max had even brought the whole thing up since he showed up in the elevator. A familiar pang of sadness returned to Sam. “Jeez, Max, you don’t have to be so blunt about it.”

 

“How else am I supposed to say it? This shit sucks, but what good is it pretending everything’s all cake and ice cream?” Max threw his hands up in that way he always did when he was frustrated and his foot thumped against the mattress. 

 

Sam heaved a heavy sigh. He knew his partner was right, but confronting it only seemed to make things harder. “Max, can I ask you something?”

 

Max stopped his foot and turned to look at Sam. “Yeah, what is it?”

 

“Why did you come back for me?”

 

There was a beat of silence, before Max burst into a fit of cackles and giggles, the kind Sam always loved. But right now, he just shot the rabbit a look of confusion. Max kicked his legs as he laughed, glancing up at Sam. “You’re seriously asking me that, Sam? Man, this whole thing’s really gotten to you, huh!”

 

Sam turned away, his ears pressing back sheepishly. “Well, it was just a question. You didn’t have to come to this timeline.”

 

“And what, was I supposed to just rot away in the office without you until either the rats ate me or the building collapsed?” Max giggled again, and Sam wondered once again how Max could talk about that stuff so lightly. “You must take me for a fool, Sam. That would be terrible!”

 

“I suppose,” Sam shrugged. 

 

Max rolled over so he was leaning against Sam’s side, and playfully poked at his arm. “You would be miserable too, Sam, don’t even try to deny it. I saw the way you were glancing wistfully at the sea with your hat at your chest, that was so depressing!”

 

This was more like the Max that Sam was used to. “I was mourning, Max, can you really blame me?”

 

“I guess not,” Max replied. He sat silent for a little bit, and Sam thought that was the end of it, but soon the lagomorph spoke again. “But really, Sam, you’re like, the only person that really gets me! If I have to live a life without you in it, then… what’s the point?”

 

Great, now Sam was starting to feel all gushy inside. “You really mean that?”

 

“Of course I do. Besides, who else am I supposed to watch shitty TV with, Sybil and her freak baby? Give me a break.” 

 

Sam chuckled and wrapped an arm around Max, bringing him closer to his side. “I thought you liked watching The Bachelorette with Sybil.” 

 

Max shot him a look. “Only because you refuse to watch it with me.”

 

“It’s a disgrace to what love and romance actually is!” Sam exclaimed, though he regarded his current situation for a moment… “But I guess I’m not any better.”

 

Max let out a giggle, and splayed an arm across Sam’s chest, snuggling up to him. “You’re right though, what good is romance if there’s no fire and destruction?”

 

“Not good at all, I’d reckon,” Sam said as he idly pet Max’s back. “You were right too, little pal. We’ve always been there for each other, and I suppose the best we can do is continue to do just that.”

 

“You said it. Now let’s go to bed, all this emotional stuff has me exhausted.” Max rolled onto his partner’s stomach, firmly finished with the whole conversion and using Sam’s torso as a pillow. 

 

Sam smiled fondly down at the rabbit, reaching to pull the covers over them both. “Have I ever said how much you crack me up, little buddy?”

 

“All the time, Sam. Don’t you dare ever stop it.”

  
  



End file.
